A lot of things in life are easier said than done.
Dishing out advice is second nature to myself; looking out for the well-being of my loved ones is always at the forefront of my mind. This trait is both a blessing and a curse. The curse being that for myself, the advice goes in one ear and out the other.
Recently, I've been learning how to take this weakness and try to evolve myself. For the first time, I have started to actually listen to my body and provide the necessities it's yearning for. Changing my mindset has come easier than expected thanks to social media. A medium that's often bashed for being the source of negativity. Ironic, I know.
Here's my take on it, you can either spend your whole life looking at everything that's wrong with a person, place and thing or take time to understand why something or someone isn't so bad after all.
Though it's easier to pick apart the bad things in life, rather than spending time to find a positive outlook, this way of life is v destructive.
Cancel culture is really having a moment, so negativity is normality now. Normal; an extremely common English word that's supposed to be neutral yet is extremely destructive. And with that, I digress.
Anyways, back to the og topic, which was....oh yes, social media.
This medium led me to find Sarahs Day; an Instagram account that belongs to an Aussie Influencer named Sarah. Her content is mainly focused on fitness, healthy eating and living. To say her bubbly personality is contagious is an understatement. Between her Insta stories, captions and Youtube videos, she was able to re-spark my old flame with fitness. Thanks to Sarah, I have a newfound love for fitness, more specifically, running (which mind you, never in my life would I have ever thought would happen).
The endorphins that are released from working out has helped me to embody this same bubbly spirit. Though this has held true for the past couple of months, in October I did notice a difference in my attitude. I noticed that I was feeling a little more sluggish than usual but also, this seemed normal. This often happens as the seasons change. It gets darker earlier and being cold makes me want to snuggle on the couch rather than going on a run. With this decline in physical activity and motivation, I found myself becoming more irritable than normal. A feeling I hate because it translates from myself onto others. No Bueno.
I had been keeping tabs on these changes because, in my gut, I knew something was off but at the same time, I wanted to watch these changes for x amount of time to make sure it wasn't just one-off week or something like that. But after coming back from my trip to Arizona, it felt like a switch flipped immediately. I went back to harboring the same feelings again. Back to feeling off and irritable.
I was hesitant at first to even blame the weather because I thought the boost in my mood while I was in Arizona was mainly related to seeing my friends after months of being away from each other, but then again, I knew it was more than that. The signs were there and after seeing the immediate switch in my mood I knew I had it. I have Winter Blues.
What the literal frick. I've lived in this state, with these seasonal changes all my life and had never experienced this before. What's different? Well, let me tell you what's different. The difference now is that I went away for four years and experienced 365 days of endless sunshine.
Going from endless sunshine to being engulfed in a blackout by 5 pm everyday can really do ya in.
Now, when I first read about Winter Blues, I wrote it off as being nothing. Which, yes, thank god it is nothing all too serious compared to a plethora of what I could have but still, it is something. Winter Blues is a step before SAD, Seasonal Affective Disorder. As I embarked on research, I knew it was not the latter because I did not meet all the symptoms, but regardless, the fact that I did check the boxes for Winter Blues was unsettling. Having been fortunate to have never dealt with situations similar to this is why I believe it shook me more than I expected.
Like I've said before, I've had this gut feeling I had this but wanted to keep a mental report to back up my claim. So it wasn't so much of a surprise just freaky. Luckily, it's self-diagnosed; in order to get back on track, one just needs to purchase a light therapy lamp and workout more. So again, nothing serious. But that feeling of knowing I have to tell my parents why I am going to purchase that lamp and explaining I felt off is not fun. A conversation that has everything to do with me but makes it seem like there's room for discussion of how they could have helped. Which honestly, besides making me workout more (which is not their responsibility) or figuring out how to move the clouds so the sun can shine more, there is nothing they can or could have done to prevent this.
The thought of having other's sympathy or cracking the door open to unnecessary guilt is a heavy feeling. After a 5-minute pity party, my mind wandered to those who have had this same type of realization but for a worse diagnosis. My heart honestly aches for them because I hope to god others don't have this similar feeling. A feeling that whatever they are going through feels like it will burden others, thus making them keep it to themselves and as a result, not receive proper treatment.
Any other time, I would have just kept this to myself and figured it was not important to mention to anyone. But ya know, new year, new me blah blah blah still applies even now. I'm working on sharing my thoughts and feelings more which is why I told my parents what's up. After that, it felt like a weight was lifted, I've rearranged my weekly schedule and got my lamp which is my new bestie and I can honestly say I feel like myself again. Also, my eye stopped twitching so things are really looking up out here.
(Sidenote: based on the depth I take ordinary topics it seems shocking I can't/really dislike talking about my feelings, right? Well, if you couldn't tell, my preferred form of communication is writing).
Whether you read this long-winded answer about why I listen to my body and why it's okay to listen to your gut or not, understand this: whatever you are feeling is valid.
Whether it's mental or physical, your body always knows when something is wrong before you're willing to accept it yourself. So, trust your body and listen to it. Besides checking in with yourself on a self-care level, this can be applied to any situation. When you're working out for example. If you feel tired (actually physically exhausted and not just making up excuses), just do a quick low-energy routine, or don't even go. If you truly believe it will be a waste of time, take that L and go crush your workout tomorrow.
Shit happens but don't let it kill your vibe. There are always solutions to whatever is going on but it's up to you to listen to your body. More often than not, it's smarter than us so just sit back and let it take the lead on what it needs.
Till next time, cheers!
Clo
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